20 random thoughts on a cold Thursday morning

Years ago I started a habit of just dumping out lists of twenty random thoughts on one of my old blogs. I saw some of those lists again today, and I thought I'd continue that tradition here.

There are no rules for making this list, I just sit, have my hands on the keyboard and write whatever comes up.

---

1. I have to drink a special protein boosted juice these days, and it's actually good!
2. I love to work on my blog again, and write new things. Words haven’t come easily to me these past months, so I cherish that they do, now.
3. I am so sick and tired of the grey weather. We’ve barely seen the sun for over a week!
4. I love the new electrical heaters I have for the bedroom and my office. They make the room all nice and warm.
5. The one thing that hasn’t really recovered, alas, is my reading habits. It’s weird, but I can’t concentrate on reading an actual book, but I CAN concentrate reading on my Kobo e-reader.
6. I had to laugh at myself, because I remember writing these lists in the past, and especially the moments where I started to think that I wouldn’t ever make it to twenty. I always did.
7. Reading my old lists does make me happy, and I have them in my bear app’s archive. They are just perfect snapshots of where my mind was at the time. (the answer always being: all over the place)
8. When I have a calmer time with my cancer treatment, I want to first recover, and then hop on a plane to London. It’s crazy, but I want to go there so badly, visit all my favourite spots. (And to Oxford to visit a certain writer’s pub)
9. Oh!!!! There is a small break in the cloud cover, and suddenly the room is flooded with sunlight. I’m so happy!
10. I was pondering this morning that I haven’t made art in the past few days. I was briefly tempted to feel guilty, but I don’t. I’ve been working on my writing, instead! It’s the meanderings of creativity for me.
11. One thing I also miss, is writing long-form poetry. Short and sweet poems, easy peasy. Long form? not so much. Fear at play, I guess?

12. I do love trees in winter, they are so stark against the sky. 13. One of the things I am so grateful for at the moment is the fact that I’ve started reading my beloved Stoics again. I wonder why I ever stopped, the texts never fail to calm me down and focus me. 14. One Stoic term that sticks in my brain all the time is Memento Mori (remember that you have to die). Thinking about death really makes me more fully embrace life, and the gift it truly is. 15. I finished crocheting a scarf yesterday, a simple one, made of granny squares, but it’s cute so I’m happy. 16. I really love my hair, it’s short because I lost most of it after the first chemo (and then it all came back). It’s also very whitish grey, and makes me look like a fierce crone. 17. I truly love this blog. I love that my focus is mostly on my creativity, but with enough other things sprinkled through, like this post, to keep it interesting for me to maintain. And it makes me feel like a writer, again, also a bonus. 18. I’m craving chocolate, or maybe fudge, or maybe some cheese. It’s a feeling I delight in, after a surgery in July I lost my appetite and didn’t want for snacky things, I even had to toss out my favourite chocolate at one point because it had gone off. 19. One lesson I have learned about myself this year is that I’m very strong (and strong-willed). I can’t even begin to write about what I’ve conquered this year, and all the things I went through. 20. And here I am, at twenty, told you I would make it! My final thought for this blog is this one: trust your creativity implicitly, because it never steers you wrong!