The alien in my cupboard
Okay, I have to tell my story before I go insane.
I'm going to post it here on my little blog because I hope one of my friends will read it and come to check on me. I need someone to see what I see and tell me I haven't gone completely insane.
Let me come right out and say it: there's an alien in my cupboard.
I suck at telling stories, but I'll try.
Let me go back to the beginning. I stumbled into the kitchen on Wednesday morning, grabbed my bowl, poured some granola in it from the jar in my cupboard, and set it on the kitchen counter.
Then I put on the kettle, went to the fridge to make milk, and I heard an awful shriek.
Turns out, what I thought of as my my tea kettle was actually the little alien's space ship.
I mean, how could I deny that when there was a little alien leaping out of the teakettle's lid, screaming bloody murder.
Sorry, alien.
It was kinda funny to watch, though, as he's only a little bigger than my hand, has green skin, a pudgy tummy, fluorescent yellow eyes and bright red lips.
The huffing and screaming was kinda adorable.
Then he jumped in my granola bowl for no apparent reason other than to annoy me, ate some, and, well... I guess he fell in love with it? Ever since his first taste, he's where the granola is, living in my cupboard. He even dragged over his shit from the tea kettle, I mean, the space ship, and got me to put it on the shelf, along with him and the jar.
So he moved into my cupboard, and screamed bloody murder until I removed the lid from the granola jar, and he settled in.
He's been in my cupboard ever since, eating all of my granola. And drinking my aunt Jeanie's stash of miniature alcohol bottles.
Today he said he'd come to save humanity. How a tiny alien can do that without people falling over laughing...? I have no idea.
After three days, he's almost finished the whole jar. There was barely any left this morning so I’m making a new batch while I write this with a tiny alien staring menacingly at me from my cupboard.
I know he's waiting for the granola to cool down so he can eat it all.
Stupid, fat little alien.
Save humanity, my ass.