Letting go of a toxic "lesson"
Growing up, there was always a message on repeat in my life "other people have it worse."
It was my mom's way of getting me to stop complaining and do stuff, even when I was sick, or just feeling low.
She had grown up with that message, and for her it was normal, always keeping focus on that.
The problem with a statement like that, is that it has two meanings.
- Other people have it worse so you should stop complaining and focus on doing your work.
- Other people have it worse so you should be grateful for what you have.
#2 can be good, as focusing on gratitude is so important. This was why I kept the message going on repeat, ignoring the bad side effects of #1.
#1 made me do way too much, ignore too many health issues and, basically, it was so toxic.
I only recognised it when I HAD to focus on myself when my health was deteriorating.
Now, when I struggle with my health, and that message tries to replay itself, I just shut it down. I have no energy for such toxicity in my life.
I write my lists of things I'm grateful for, and then focus on how I need to take care of myself in that moment.
And that works so well, too.
Instead of "other people have it worse", I ask myself what I need in that moment to feel better.
It's infinitely hard, but boy, it's so healing.