On being wobbly (and not falling down)
I’ve just finished another Monday session at the PT, another one focusing on balance and core exercises, training my muscles to make me a functioning bipedal creature (instead of one losing balance stepping over a doorjamb, or doing mountain 3).
The exercises are tough, and I’ve recognised a pattern after just two weeks of doing the exercises.
The physical therapist demonstrates the exercise, I get scared because it looks like something that would make me wobble.
I do the exercise. I wobble, almost falling over, only held up by my PT’s hand and a stubborn streak.
I do it a couple times more, and then something clicks in my body. It’s like my body says, “oh yeah, I remember how to do this, let me do something here with the stomach muscles and there with the butt.”
The change is instantaneous and my PT always comments on when it happens. I stand up straighter, my breathing changes from panic to flow, and the last couple exercises are a breeze.
I said today that I want to get back to normal. Then I took a deep breath and said, “That’s a stupid idea. This is my new normal, and every week I build on a better one.”
My PT beamed at me and said, “That’s exactly it.”
I’m now happy I wobble. I happily wobble in a gym filled with muscular dudes, even, where last week I just felt ashamed.
I wobble myself to a new normal every week. Already I look back on 2,5 weeks of PT and notice the difference.
Not just in my body, but also mentally.
I wobbled mightily in my brain, had lost faith in my body, was afraid to do things just because I feared making things worse. But now? I trust I can do the things when I feel I can.
What a gift!